Have you ever had one of those times when everything seems like it’s going wrong? Where no matter how hard you try, it just doesn’t seem to be working in the way you want it to? I have.
These past months have been crazy. Everything that could have possibly gone wrong has gone epically and disastrously pear shaped; my work, my home, my relationship, my sanity. I’m sure you’ve been there too? Perhaps you’re there now?
I’m not just talking about the little ebs of life, or the odd hurdle, I’m talking ground zero. Starting again from the bottom up. Where nothing you once clung to is safe, or even recognisable, anymore and you’ve got to sink or swim.
These kind of life-changing changes can come in many shapes or forms, but the feeling is always almost the same: complete and utter despair.
What do you do when everything you once knew is all f*cked up and you’ve nowhere to turn?
The usual instinct is to hide. That’s normal. I did it too. Perhaps for longer than I should have.
But, if you’re anything like me, you’ll not want to stay drowning for long, so if I may, I have an alternative view of how to get over these soul-crunching obstacles.
Perhaps this is meant to be
While in the depths of my despair, in between sobbing and cursing, I noticed a weird thing:
The more I resisted these changes, the more they f*cked with me.
In fact, every time I tried to fix what was seemingly broken, it seemed to crack and distort even more. Like trying to glue a broken vase back together then expecting it to hold water. It just doesn’t work.
So, the more water I poured back into my broken vase, the more it leaked out at an alarming rate, getting myself soaked in the bitter flood of denial and ruining my favourite pair of shoes.
I started to wonder if this was really meant to be, and if it was, why was it so damn hard?
If my relationship was meant to work, surely it wouldn’t take so much effort and pain? If my work was so fulfilling, why was it making me so miserable?
I started to notice little signs from the universe, signs that were pointing me in a different direction. One that was both intriguing and terrifying.
Fear of the unknown
Our fear of the unknown is a necessary survival tactic. If we were animals in the wild, taking an unknown path home or trusting a stranger are things that could end up in our demise. So, naturally, choosing the unknown is mind-bogglingly scary.
But what I found was that when I listened to the universe and stopped trying to make things happen, everything flowed a little better. Differently, of course, but undeniably better.
I’ve likened this effect to the old saying about the donkey with the carrot and the stick:
If the universe is offering you carrots, and you don’t follow them, you get the stick.
But when you start to learn that the stick doesn’t feel good, in fact it hurts like a bitch, you become curious for the carrots.
In this ridiculously wise metaphor, we are the donkey, and when we follow the carrots, as in, the things that the universe offers that make us feel excited and wholesome and filled with nourishment, we go the right way and we get more carrots. Win win. Who doesn’t like carrots?
But if we keep going down the wrong path, we will continue to get the stick and be forever wondering why our asses hurt so damn much.
“But it’s not what I want”
So, if you’re in this period of great change, like me, I encourage you to look for the carrots.
At first it will seem like a hopeless task and you’ll say: “Ellie, this is stupid. I don’t want carrots and change, I want my life to go back to how it was” and that’s understandable, it’s how I felt too.
But let me put this to you: perhaps the things you want right now aren’t actually that good for you?
And maybe, just maybe, the universe is saying no to you because it knows that there is something better out there, something more aligned to the person you are meant to become?
I know it’s hard. My god it’s enough to send you loopy, but as soon as we stop clinging to the stuff that clearly isn’t working, we open ourselves up to a whole host of other exciting possibilities.
Like me, you’ve probably already felt the calling deep down, and you know in your heart of hearts that you deserve more, so let it happen. Let everything tumble down around you and begin to rebuild your foundations on something with a little more tooth.
I promise it’s worth the fight.
If you need me, I’m here.
Let’s go get those carrots.
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