The Taurus Full Moon is conjunct Uranus, opposing a new Scorpio Sun and Venus, still in her retrograde. This makes for an emotionally unpredictable time which could help us to release stagnant beliefs about our ability to trust.
I dunno about you guys but this run up to the Full Moon has been tough!
It’s had me riding a rollercoaster of will I won’t I, should I shouldn’t I, and I’ve finally come to the realisation that despite feeling like a goody-two-shoes when it comes to treating other people right, actually, a lot of the time I’m just like the guys me and my girlfriends used to moan about, the dreaded phrase: “emotionally unavailable”.
Emotionally unavailable me
I thought since I was being Little Miss Spiritual that I would be immune to such psychological blocks, but it turns out we’re all subject to fear and mistrust when it comes to matters of the heart.
I thought that by avoiding intimacy I was somehow staying in control until my dear friend (who should totally be a therapist) said “yeah but it’s mostly cos you’re scared of getting hurt” … oh… I thought I was just enjoying life and being non-committal, sure, occasionally running from love like a hot potato, but mostly just having a good time. Apparently not.
Being Taurus/Scorpio orientated, this Full Moon is gonna throw up all kinds of trust issues.
How do we feel when we’re vulnerable? Do we run and hide, blocking the person who had the audacity to try and know us, or do we accept that actually we can never know who is trustworthy until we, well, trust them.
Trust isn’t one of those things you can forsee, and, just like a lot of things of late, it’s kind of a mirror.
I don’t trust others because I know that I might bolt for the stable door as soon as it gets too real. And subconsciously, if I know that I’m prone to doing that, then I’m pretty much assuming others will too.
An analogy for trust
When I lived in Japan it was in a tsunami zone. I had to keep a backpack by my door with supplies that I could grab in an emergency on my way to the evacuation point.
I never had to use it, fortunately, but it was always sat there as a reminder that at any minute my protective surroundings could topple and leave me vulnerable.
It gave me mixed feelings of both preparedness and anxiety. It would help me escape but it also signalled unpredictable danger.
Being emotionally unavailable is a lot like that backpack.
When we’re constantly worried that shit is gonna hit the fan in relationships, we’ve always got one foot out the door. We’ve got a bag packed and waiting for any sign of danger and at the slightest shake to our foundations, we know we can grab it and make a quick getaway to safety.
Except relationships aren’t always dangerous, and actually, a lot of the time it’s us that are the ones who are untrustworthy.
We don’t want to trust until we know the other person can be trusted, but in that, we’re signalling that if they don’t behave exactly how we want them to, we will leave.
Talk about one sided!
No one is saying that you should immediately place all your trust in a stranger and leap into the unknown without a parachute BUT equally, if we’re always waiting for rumbles of danger we never fully relax, and we risk hurting those that were actually decent folk.
This is how the Full Moon has manifested for me, it might be different for you, but the lesson is the same:
Until we trust ourselves, we can never trust another.
This might not look like emotional unavailibility to you, it may look like worrying what people think too much, or putting other people’s needs before your own because you’re worried they might think you’re *god forbid* selfish.
This Full Moon is gonna bring up a bunch of stuff about how you emotionally react to others, and how much you trust yourself in every situation.
Trusting ourselves is knowing that we don’t give our power up to other people, because other people can’t always be depended on to put our own interests first. But we can.
When you trust yourself, you know that whatever happens outside of you, your inside world won’t topple and fall too.
You know that you can depend on yourself to pick up the pieces, if so be it, and you also know that not everyone will cause you to have to do that.
Until we trust that we will be ok, whatever the weather, and that another person’s actions won’t dictate how we feel, we will find ourselves being disappointed and hurt, over and over again.
We have to give others a chance to prove that they won’t destroy our life. Trust even when it feels like we can’t, because there is no love without trust, for others or for ourselves.
Put the backpack down.
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