This New Moon is at 16° Pisces, conjunct Neptune and Vertex exact. Let’s take a trip through funhouse mirrors, where your own reflection is distorted and lessons come through the fog, only getting clearer when they slap you in the face – sounds fun right? Well, kinda…
A tale of ego and woe
The universe is always conspiring to give us what we need, even if it sucks at times.
Yesterday, I visited a popular Vedic astrologer, here in Rishiskesh, for a consultation. I’d been attracting a lot of shit into my life for some reason – people with unclear intentions, situations that ended in disappointment and lesson after lesson of: “ok fine, but am I done yet?”.
I knew that this New Moon would fall opposite my Sun, but as with all divination, sometimes it’s easier to get a second objective opinion, someone to tell us what we can’t see ourselves, which is kind of ironic when the thing I couldn’t see, was myself.
Sitting in the shady room, shrines to Vishnu and other Hindu deities around me, the astrologer said: “it’s your ego. You are attracting people that say the right things to you, and you feel good, but these people are only talking, and when you listen with your ego you trip. You need to ignore the ego and lessen it”, or something along those lines.
Now I’m going to be honest with you here, I was a bit triggered.
I felt like he’d misunderstood me, a little upset even. I’ve spent years working to lessen the ego, listening to intuition, becoming aware, building compassion, thinking carefully before I speak, blah blah blah, you’re probably already guessing where I’m going with this: yup, I did exactly what he said not to do. I listened to him through my ego and reacted in an egotistical way.
“But it’s not ME! It’s them! I’M NOT being difficult! It’s the universe! It’s all coming from outside of me!”
To my defense (ego!) I did notice at the time that I’d had a bit of a childish reaction and knew that there was some lesson or reflection to be had, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it yet.
A lesson in reflective humility
Later that evening I spoke with a good friend who reminded me that everything is a reflection of us, she said we see what we need to see. I agreed, but still couldn’t quite see it. Apparently, I needed a practical example.
That practical example came this morning, when I went to what was perhaps one of the worst yoga classes I’ve ever been to, and everything became clearer.
I arrived a few minutes late (mortal yoga sin, I know) and since it was a new class for me, it took me a little while to work out what we were doing. In that time, I was told several times to come to the beginner class that evening instead and continually singled out, stared at and even giggled at (yup).
Now, ordinarily, I would’ve just brushed it off, but today I felt acutely humiliated and again, upset at the unfairness of it all (ego!).
I kept thinking to myself: “I’m fine! Stop asking me! I can do this! I’ve got 7 years of yoga under my belt!” and worked myself up into a right tizz.
The final straw was having my photo taken in Dhanurasana while trying to hold back tears (not pretty), and being told, again, to come to the easier class.
In my defence (ego!), I could do the class fine. In their defence, I was the only one with a problem.
Seemingly, the universe was trying to show me something.
I’d wrongly associated what the astrologer had said with me having an attitude problem. I assumed that he’d meant I was arrogant or rude, but the ego is more than that. It’s the need to feel seen, appreciated, special, supported, safe.
I didn’t feel any of those things in that class. I went back to my room and cried (ego!).
So, why am I telling you all of this? So, you can point at me and say EGO EGO EGO! Sure, if you want to. I’m past the point of crying now (lol ego!) but that’s not really the point.
The point is that it’s all connected
The sign of Pisces has a great many meanings to it, its motto is “I imagine”, I’m sure you know the big three themes of creativity, compassion and spirituality (if you don’t, it’s ok, I won’t make you cry), and with Neptune, the ruler of Pisces, sitting right on top of the Sun and Moon, there’s so much imagination it becomes a kind of hazy, unclear fog – what you need to see might have to be shown to you in a big way for you to get it.
Since the Sun is the seat of the ego, it was my ego I couldn’t see.
My capable yet sensitive Virgo Sun was being triggered by this Pisces New Moon opposition, so that I could release some of my ego patterns and perhaps stop attracting those people that say all the right things with the wrong intentions.
My need to feel seen and appreciated (ego!) was leaving me open to circumstances that didn’t actually benefit me. I needed to be slapped in the face with a bout of not-seen and not-appreciated to recognise this lesson.
Just as I said before – the universe always gives you what you need, even if it sucks at the time.
I’d asked to know why I was attracting foggy stuff and I got the message, loud and clear, it’s not them it’s me.
Sure, there are arseholes out there, but if they keep coming your way, that’s your issue.
That may sound harsh but it’s actually quite freeing. If it’s our issue we can do something about it instead of just having shit “happen” to us continually.
Stuff doesn’t just “happen”
This then leads us to the Piscean theory of interconnectivity.
If stuff isn’t just “happening” to us, and actually it’s coming from within us, or being reflected on some level, then reality is not quite as it seems.
Despite usually ascribing to the “as within, so without” principle of everything being intertwined, I’d forgotten this mystical truth and spent the last few weeks (ok months) pointing outside of myself at a source that wasn’t me.
But if everything is one, in this big ol’ Piscean dream of “reality”, then what I’m seeing and experiencing is directly related to how I’m feeling and reacting.
The ego works to separate us, it tells us we are “not this, not that” or that we “need” to be seen and appreciated in order to feel ok, it tells us that things just “happen” to us with absolutely no responsibility on our side.
So often when bad situations arise, there’s a connection, something we haven’t realised yet and we have to let go of what we think is “the truth” in order to work out the lesson.
My “truth” was that stuff was shitty because life and people and lessons can be shitty. The REAL truth is that my desire to be accommodated left me open to disappointment, and actually, when I’m ok inside, things are ok on the outside.
This is the crux of today’s New Moon: we are always co-creating our reality.
Your lessons might not be the same flavour as mine since our own birthcharts interact with the energies differently, but for everyone there will be something that’s not quite clear, something tugging at our sleeve to look at it closely or differently.
A bit like a funhouse mirror, warping our perceptions, reality can be an illusion. We might think we know something, or that a particular issue is outside of us, but it’s up to us to see through the fog and perhaps accept that sometimes (just sometimes!) we’re just being babies.
Ask yourself this:
What situation is currently reflecting your own issues back at you?
And what do you have the power to change?
Happy New Moon lovelies, you are the universe.
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